


HMS Cribs

by my_soliloquy_chamber



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Crack, Gen, Humor, No Plot/Plotless, Pictures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27078412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_soliloquy_chamber/pseuds/my_soliloquy_chamber
Summary: Captain Edward Kenway lets us meet the crew of his beloved Jackdaw through a series of commissioned portraits.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	HMS Cribs

**Author's Note:**

> This is just silly and funny (to me anyway).  
> I posted this on tumblr a while back, but decided to post it here too, because here I don’t have to chop it up in several separate posts.
> 
> This is all just basically pictures, so if that doesn’t work for you, this may not make any sense at all.
> 
> HMS Cribs is a play on MTV Cribs, in case that’s not obvious..

* * *

  
Hello All! Welcome to HMS Cribs!

My crib is a beautiful Brig named Jackdaw.

60 meters long, holds 40 crew, armed to the teeth, but still stunning a graceful. A real Lady.

This is what she looks like from the side.

And this is what her nameplate looks like. You can only see it from her backside but I like hanging from her like this, so it’s ok.

What really makes her special though is her crew.

First, there’s me. I’m the Captain.

I tell everyone what to do, where to go, who to fight. Well... I mean, I make suggestions and then the crew votes, and if they like my suggestions, then we do what I say.

I try to keep everyone happy and entertained so they’ll like me and vote for my suggestions.

Here I am singing to the crew.

And here we are playing charades.

The next most important person on the ship is the Quartermaster. That’s Adéwalé.

He’s great. He’s the one who decides what jobs the crew do on the ship and makes sure everything runs smoothly. He keeps on top of everything and I really don’t know what I would do without him.

Here he is reminding me that I forgot to stock up on ammunition when we were at port - again - and pointing out that we are defenseless until we are resupplied.

Next we have the Helmsman. He’s super important because the ship can’t go anywhere without him.

I’m the Helmsman. 😊

Then there’s Jack. He’s an old sea dog who’s been sailing since he was a young lad. He knows all the good shanties, so he’s our Entertainment Officer. His eyes are really good too, so it’s usually he who spots cargo or people in the water. And he always yells really loudly when I jump in the water just so the crew won’t miss it. They like waving at me.

Jack is a little shy and didn’t want to be in any paintings. But he’s just too important so I snuck in the portrait painter to paint him secretly.

Now it’s time to meet the rest of the crew.

This here is Simon and Mosi, playing some cards. They are matelotage and it’s a bit new still so they like to spend time alone whenever they can. They’re kinda like newlyweds.

This is Bertil, he’s Swedish. He has back problems and should probably not be crewing a ship. But he’s come to the West Indies to escape the war in his homeland. He talks about how much he misses it sometimes, the snow and the forests and stuff. Then he gets sad and cries and says he can never go home. I’m not sure, but I think he deserted from the army.

Here are Eyvyn and William. They are matelotage too, but they’ve been together forever so they’re like an old married couple. I like Eyvyn, he’s Welsh too, and one of my favourite drinking buddies. 

William was chiding Eyvyn for his drinking when we painted this portrait, and I think the artist really captured William’s irritation and Eyvyn’s eye roll.

Here are Baltasar, Ikenna, and Philippe. They are not our newest crew, but they’re still pretty new. None of them speak very good english yet, and they don’t speak each other's languages, so they mostly hang out silently, staring at the sea.

Here are two of our newest recruits. Kibwe, scrubbing the deck and John, polishing the cannons. Clement is supervising them so they don’t slag off or do their chores wrong.

Here’s Thomas, he’s eaten something bad and feels really sick. That’s why he has that strategic bucket nearby.

This is my right hand gunner, Ianto. He’s also Welsh.

Sometimes we speak Welsh when we’re sailing and it irritates Adé because he can’t understand us. I guess he feels left out. I do try to remember, because I really don’t want Adé to feel unwelcome or unhappy on this ship.  
He’s really important, I need him.

Lastly there’s Tendjai, sitting there waiting for his punishment, and next to him is Nicolás. He’s just watching him so he doesn’t fall overboard or something.

Tendjai was drunk really early this morning so I have to punish him, it’s in the sailor rules. I’m not sure why it’s so bad to be drunk early in the morning, yet not at _any_ other time of day...

But, I don’t make the sailor rules, I just enforce them.

So, that’s it for the crew. Well... that’s it for the crew I’ve commissioned portraits of.  
There are 22 more crewmen, but portrait painters are expensive, ok?

Anyway, thanks for checking out the ship and my crew. We have to cast off now, so you have to leave.  
Bye!

* * *

What’s that? You want to know how I punish the drunken sailors?

Well, I just fart in their general direction.

It smells _really_ bad. I have digestion issues. 😁

* * *

If you want to see a see a moving painting of me punishing the crew, you can find it here on tumblr:

[ https://my-soliloquy-chamber.tumblr.com/post/628804338562842624/meet-the-crew-bonus-hey-kenway-yeah ](https://my-soliloquy-chamber.tumblr.com/post/628804338562842624/meet-the-crew-bonus-hey-kenway-yeah)


End file.
